I was furious, no beyond furious. I couldn’t believe that
the very reason for my five years in hell was a man that I used to admire more
than anyone else on this planet. I would do almost anything for him, a man so
brilliant, a man that made me think I was so smart and could go so many places
because of how smart I am.
I went and told Angel and Charles, and they immediately
tried to calm me down, saying that Dr. Seidel would get what was coming to him.
The problem is that the both of them were playing big strongman superhero, got
to save the damsel who’s now pissed off because there is one thing that I am
Dr Seidel is MINE. He will die at MY hands, not theirs.
I got a crossbow from the cabinet, and they both, yet again,
tried to calm me down. I was so furious and frustrated I almost told them to go
screw themselves, but then that wouldn’t be good for Angel and the last thing
we needed was Angelus on the loose again. But they wouldn’t back down as much
as I wasn’t backing down.
So I decided to get sneaky. I pretended to give in, to say
that I would think about it. I even said I was going to lie down, and they
bought it, hook, line, and sinker. Men are so stupid, especially when it comes
to me for some reason. I guess I look so frail and helpless that they can’t
help but believe me. Idiots.
I went up to my room, waited, then snuck out, getting the
crossbow again. They weren’t going to stop me. I was going to do this. I had to
do this. I hailed a cab, and told the guy where to take me. I think the driver
was a bit freaked about the crossbow, but I didn’t care.
He made me feel special. In my whole life, all my big brain
had gotten me was teasing at school and living in a home with a lot of love,
but an inability to have conversations about the things I really wanted to talk
about because those things were over my parents heads, big time. I’m not saying
my parents are stupid, lord knows I love them to pieces, and they have
knowledge and experience that I will never have, but the look on their faces
when I would use big words that they had no idea what the meaning of them was,
it hurt a little. I would never tell them that, though.
But Dr. Seidel…I could talk to him about whatever I wanted.
I could write articles with confidence, I could do anything and he would lavish
his attention and praise on me, like I was the greatest thing since sliced
bread. And I ate it up, I loved it and I wanted more. Then I was in hell in
Pylea, and now I find out that he, the one I looked up to, the one that was my
mentor, had sent me there!
He was NOT going to get away with this! I was going to make
him suffer just as much as I had suffered. I wouldn’t kill him, wait, I would
open a portal and shove him inside, I would send him to a hell dimension WORSE
than Pylea! YES! That would be a punishment WORTHY of what he had put me
I finally got there, tossing money at the cab driver, and
stood there, moments from my confrontation with Dr. Seidel. I could do this. I
took a deep breath and went inside. I found him with his books, the jackass.
“Dr. Seidel. Let me get to the point. I know you sent me to
Pylea. You remember the phrase that payback is a bitch?” I said, aiming the
crossbow at his jugular. “Well I’m the bitch!”
[Open to Gunn, Angel, and Cordelia]